Saturday, October 30, 2004
can anyone believe it?!?! zee nana actually has an octopus in her tank!!!!!! her tank seems to be flourishing SO well while mine...*bleargh*
haiz....next week will be ultra busy....gotta go down to CMPB to do rehearsals and stuff for the anniversary and moving.....but its gonna be fun! gonna have vocal training...dunno for me only or all 5 finalists...haha...
Kim Yee...thats the girl who is singing Yong Qi....very sweet leh.....*dRoOls*...but not as sweet n cute as....
LIANG JING RU
*dRoOls drOolS DroOls*
haha...im crazy.........
last night was suppose to do some discussion...in the end, the whole army guys go play pool....then i was hungry n we go eat at swensens....reached home only at 2 plus am.....darn....and only a little achieved....why they so like that? should have told them to discuss.....haiz....didnt put my foot down....but what to do? im only S85 and a PTE....hiak hiak......
ok....gotta go.... :P
the facts of life....
- 10/30/2004 10:33:00 AM
Thursday, October 28, 2004
been feeling stress, but thanks to some people who were there to talk to me and encourage me that i didnt break down and just cry...
feel like very few people actually are willing to work with me and that they dont share things that are going on with me, making myself so blur about things. also, they just leave suddenly and i have to do all the mess by myself......haiz
only the anniversary, moving and the people whom i have confided to can i cover myself with busyness, make myself more stress, then can i only not think about all these issues....
been thinking about something that i think is gonna come out of me pretty soon....its a change i wanna make long time ago but didnt dare to cause of constraints....but seems like i may have to do it....
haha
LIANG JING RU
the facts of life....
- 10/28/2004 08:04:00 PM
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
guess who my fav group is?
guess who my fav female singer is?
guess who my fav male singer is?
* * * S.H.E. * * * Liang Jing Ru * * * Jay Chou * * *
and guess what?!?!?! I SAW Liang Jing Ru on Tuesday!!!!! wahahahahahahaha!!!!
the story goes......
on Monday evening, as I was preparing to go home, I received a call from a NSF from NSAD. He told me I was into the finals.....I was momentarily STUNNED.....serious...and after a while, I asked who else was in from my department, he said no....I was SHOCKED....and he told me I was to prepare a track for recording at SAFRA Radio the following day....I was FROZENED. how could I come up with a song so fast?!?!
so i immediately called and sms everyone I knew, hoping they can help me....finally, mr NICE DZ could and I thanked him and he said "Sick..."...GREAT...haha. so i met him at 9pm and we sat at Mc's till 10 plus. halfway, I realised he was having an exam soon and I went "What?!?! then u still agreed to help me?!?!" He said never mind.....thanks REALLY ALOT dz....ok fine, Dezhang.
he found 4 songs for me. Wo nan guo by 5566 and Xiaogang seperately. A Whole New World and Jay's Ge Qian........then he advised me to sing the Xiaogang version as it was cool. so thru'out the whole journey back, I kept listening to it till i was familiar with it and when I reached home, practised softly till 12 plus...then sleep....*yawns*
next day after morning, I had medical appointment. then I rushed down to CMPB (where SAFRA Radio is) and my mdm's ask me to sing to them and they gave me comments. the usual "im forcing myself down, nasal....etc...." then time to go....
oh yar.....before all these, I had lots of BAD LUCK falling on me....till....
I saw Liang Jing Ru at the Radio Station! I walked past one of the studios and I heard (in chinese) "Hi, I'm Liang Jing Ru. Now I wanna...." and I was like, Liang Jing Ru? LIANG JING RU?!?!?!?! then I asked all the crew and NSF in my studio whether REALLY got her but they dunno...till she walked out of the studio!!!! i was "AAAAHHHH!!!!""" haha.......but she was gone....haiz...
she was there for a radio show recording. and before her was FIR.....shucks. i told myself not to go earlier. just go in, record and leave. I was then blaming myself and saying "Should have reached there at 5pm!!!" haha...
then they told me my turn and I went into the "Silent Room". It was stuffy and vacuum but I was still shivering...coz I was SO scared and excited at my FIRST recording!!! I stood infront of the mike for like 5 mins like an idiot before they finally told me to take a seat...they laughed....they as in the recorders, the person filming all these down, the pretty gal who sang Fish's Yong Qi and the "S.H.E," Group. Guess what. S (Selina) is a guy...haha.....
then while sitting down, LIANG JING RU came back and entered the mini studio next to mine!!!! seperated by just a door and window! my heart beat faster and I shivered more.....then she saw me looking at her and she smiled at me, then mouthed the word "hi!"!!! i couldnt do anything but just smile back at her...
believe me, if I could, I would have ran out and asked for her signature! but i didnt coz i dunno when they starting........SIGH
5 mins later, they started to leave. As she was opening the door, she turned around and smiled at me, AGAIN!!! her smile was really the MOST heart warming/melting smiles I have ever seen......she was so sweet, pretty and nice.........*dReAmssSs*
then my turn. I sand a verse and the real thing started. when finished, they told me it was DAMN good! while I was singing, they were waving their hands, clapping, taking my pictures via their hp and all...i was SO paiseh that I closed my eyes thru'out the entire thing....*i know many will not believe I can be paiseh*
but to me, quite bad. coz I went flat and off abit in the front and ending.....coz I cant contain my fear and excitement!!! stupid....haha......
then the girl that sang Yong Qi, told me it was real good but I was flat abit....i said I know and she went "Really? u knew?" haha.....she thinks im an idiot. anyway, she sings REAL good....
then I left....still in shock coz of fish...and I started calling Mimi, Suying, Weiyan, Edna...etc....couldnt contain my excitement....
Im really crazy hor?!? haiz.......
anyway, today I rec another call from the first guy who called me. he said he will try to see whether the recorder can do anything about the parts i went flat, or else i have to record again...so maluating.....and my cd, I brought it to camp and they confiscated it. haiz....sad...
so now Im gonna go meet DZ and he will help me burn another one........hope it works out........
thanks to DZ for his help. thanks to Mimi, Suying, Weiyan and Edna for listening to my shoutings and talkings and all...haha. thanks to Suying who kept giving me encouragements and PRESSURE....haha....just joking....really appreciate it sister. she kept asking me when can she hear it on radio and all....
oh, they are burning into a cd and giving away as a welcome gift for the anniversary. i dunno if they are playing it on air...hope not...
gotta go........bubbaiz!!!!
oOohHh....
LIANG JING RU
the facts of life....
- 10/27/2004 07:01:00 PM
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
wheeee!!!!!
ok...i realised i havent been blogging for a few days...i really want to blog today coz SO many exciting things happened to me today....but i really "li bu chong xin"......very tired n stressed......today finally i can rest.
i will blog tmr then...now im gonna go sleep...but those who know...please shhhh....ok? thank you!!!!!!
oOooOohhHhh....fish..... *muacks*
the facts of life....
- 10/26/2004 09:13:00 PM
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
sTreSseD dAy sia.....really stResS....... *huuuuu.........xiiiiiiiii*
but it was all worth it!!!!! especially since.....i got a Yellow Form!!!!!!! yippees!!!!! haha... *siao* whats that all about? wait....
today, so many people didnt come to work, reporting sick so as to avoid some dIsaStEr......haha.....and I was the only one in my section!!!!! stress.......my 2 supervisors went out in the afternoon to go cmbp...only me ALL ALONE....*sobs*
I gotta receive calls, do RO, do printing, do Parade State and all, run around camp, do this do that......aiyoh.....but work's in NSSC really fun. I got fun, funky and cheerful people in there...of cause, the occasional down pourers and shit stirrers, byt not as many as back in SAFTI SSU....so yar....guess God really guided me thru......to think i was so afraid of changing camp....
and today, was Round 1 Auditions for NSAD Idol!!!! wheee!!!! guess what?!?! i got in!!!!! haha......i shall do the WHOLE scene out here.....for the privilege of some people....bwahahahaha....
I was the 9th contestant. for NSAD Idol, you can join either as Group or Solo. the placings go like Solo, Group, Solo, Group...etc. so u can guessed, I was a Solo Contestant. While waiting for my turn, they took a picture of me with the "Host" and i got an interview....
Host: Right now, I am beside Joseph. So, how are you feeling right now?
Me: Just normal! *kidding*
Host: YAr, nothing about it right?
Me: Yar, nothing! haha *in a very accented voice and actually, we talked abit before the 'interview'*
Host: What was your reaction on NSAD Idol?
Me: Nothing much coz I knew the American Idol wave will hit almost everything, so I wasnt that surprised.
Host: But did u expect the Army to do such a thing?
Me: Not really, but I know somewhere, another camp did it. I was shocked then. Now NSAD Idol, not that much of an effect.
Host: I see...so what song are you gonna bring us?
Me: A Whole New World...
Host: Ahh...u NSSC people sure choose a wide selection of fantastic songs! Well, I wish you all the best!
ME: Thank you...
Then cut. and he told me to present myself before the judges. I went in. I said "Hi, Im Joseph from NSSC." MAJ Lim said "Hi Joseph. Step into that box and you may start anytime..."
I did it, swallowed my saliver *not fully coz I was slightly choked later on...* and started on A Whole New World. They werent looking at me before I started but when I did, they turned and really stared at me...at that time, I dunno if it was out of horror or amazement. I just stood there, hands behind me and standing slightly tilted. When I reached Jasmine's verses, my voice cracked abit *due to me trying hard not to let the saliver choke me* and at the chorus, I sang back "A new fantastic point of view..."...they stared even harder. but last minute, I changed smoothly back to the last chorus. I didnt do the "a whole new world, thats where we'll be...etc" I ended with chorus then said "yar, that's it!" time for comments.
1 (NSF): If you noticed, when you first started, I picked up my pen. I wanted to write some criticisms. But after your first 2 lines, I put it down cause I was enjoying the singing.
Me (blushing n looking down): Thank you, thank you.
2 (Lady): You sang well! Great job for it is one of the harder songs in Disney! But when you went to the second verses, your voice cracked a little. can be improved on that part. but overall, great job!
Me: Thank you
3 (Lady Officer): Yes, you did well! but in the middle portion, you went a little off (Me: Yes I did) and that was kinda obvious! but you have a nice voice! But next time, dont be so stiff lar, move more!
Me: Thank you
4 (MAJ Lim): Wonderful singing! but yes, move more, and dont put your hands behind your back like u r hiding something (at which I put my hands out and waved and said "There nothing..." which got a little laughter from them") and move abit! dont be so stiff! But really good singing...if my wife was here, she loves Disney, she would have been in love with you and your singing...
Me (blushing REALLY badly): thank you.
Then MAJ Lim said "We will see you then!" and the NSF handed me the form! lemme tell u, all these were recorded down and will be shown in the finals....*embarrassing*. Just before I left the room, they asked "were u from any choir?" and I said yes, coz i was once in church youth choir...haha....then I heard the NSF told the lady "yar there, I told u..."
when I went out, recording again. the host thanked me for getting the form and said "heard u from outside! really good! hope to see a better performance from u on friday and hope to see u in the finals!" so I went back to office, Mdm Kath, Kerene and Mdm Alice and my frens thanked and cheered for me......
tell u...it REALLY felt like the REAL thing!!! though I think the recording was idiotic to some extent....haha....now, Wini recording songs for me, gotta train for 2nd auditions on Friday. hope I get into finals.....really hope so....haha....pray for me....haha *blush*
this kind of things oso need to pray...haha...well, i know im not really that good at singing, but i just wanan try at it and see how far i can go....yeaps...great experiece for me before joinging Singapore Idol 2!!! haha....
anyway....Nana named her fishes so I shall too.....hmmmmm
White Sea Anemone: Octiputti
Normal Sea Anemone: Mattie
Big Clown: Wiggly Squitchy
Small Clown: Hidey Wiggey
Domino: Black Mama
Blue Damsel: Swifty
Blue & Yellow Damsel: Timidy Tit
Trigger: Greedy I.M. Holey
Butterfly: Coral
Shrimp: Mr. Grouchy
hmmm...sounds so Disney like....haha
well...gotta go rest....very tired....just reached home....yawns
the facts of life....
- 10/19/2004 10:10:00 PM
Monday, October 18, 2004
mUsiC mOvEs mY wOrlD
today i will use 2 colors.....orange n yellow. my best frens' favourite colour!!! guess whose? haha....
anyway...last friday, a colleague of mine suddenly had knee lock...then got sent to SGH. this afternoon, he just had an operation and just now went to visit him...so reach home late....haha...just reached home actually...tired but i think it was a fun time, me and my chief clerk went down. we chatted and laughed...haha....and my chief clerk and AO noticed something on me and they joked about it....i went red in the face sia...*blush*...haha...
tomorrow, my unit got NSADIdol....and ALL NSFs must join...so of course Im in....dont think I thick skin go join hor...haha...we are having it cause my unit's anniversary coming soon...and on 5th Nov, we having the finals and games and all at Double O...can club till i go crazy sia!!! haha....everyone says I can get into finals...i dunno...abit the shy they say like this, but personally, i hope to too....haha.....
so these few weeks till Nov, I'll be evry busy with the anniversary and moving of my unit....so sometimes u may not see my stay back, cause of these things we gotta discuss and plan, and oso at the same time, doing the Family Camp, helping my mum count the money...yar....*phew*
tomorrow is the first round auditions for NSAD Idol...i will be singing A Whole New World...hope i get in...haha...we have oso prepared a NSAD Banana Man!!! haha....hope I can do well, not be afraid or lose my voice....haha....
sometimes, the things you do are wrong, you know it is wrong, yet you still do it...and its a trap we all fall into often....read God's words. learnt it, understood it, yet unable to apply it......what to do? people say takes time and depend on God...doing it but...haiz....yar, God dont answer your prayers in your own ways. gotta be patient...
update on my fish tank! now I have 2 Sea Anemone, 2 Clowns, 1 Dominoe, 1 Blue Damsel, 1 Blue & Yellow Damsel, 1 Trigger, 1 Yellow Butterfly and 1 Cleaner Shrimp. My Butterfly is the newest addition, cheap and strong.....the Clowns are stronger than the previous types I bought. and my shrimp! cute! it now has a parking lot where the fishes can go there, stay still, and let the shrimp clean them! haha...so cute! i found out when i noticed the Dominoe and Butterfly let it clean or "poke" them at the same place without being irritated!!! so cute! but i think the shrimp snipped the tail of my Butterfly, so today the Butterfly was angry with the shrimp, didnt go near it at all....haha......
I think i will add a starfish and 1 or 2 Goby, Fire or Flame, into the tank then that's it. until it is really settled, then ill start another tank next year....yes!!!! it will have jellyfish, octopus, clams, lionfishes, squids...etc! wahahaha!!!
gotta go sleep! then got energy tmr! wish me all the best guys!!!! arigatou in advance!!! *huggies*
the facts of life....
- 10/18/2004 09:28:00 PM
Sunday, October 17, 2004
hmph....dont care what others say.....but Jay's album is better than JJ's album....haha
well, seriously....Jay put in alot of efforts for his qilixiang!!!! he's thinner than last time! slimmed down alot....no muscles even....haha
and first time in my entire life, i LOVE his raps!!!! so this shows how good it is....yar well, people say his songs are predictable....i WOULD say EVERYONE'S songs are predictable, cause love songs ALL carry the same tunes and lyrics....so yar....haha
but this album....ROCKS!!!!
im falling in love with "ge qian"
can listen thousand of times repeatedly and not tire of it....haiz
:P
the facts of life....
- 10/17/2004 07:04:00 PM
Thursday, October 14, 2004
I think Im REALLY a love song freako....haha....as long as it is love songs, I'll love them, even if they are from 5566.....haha....im not crazy over them, just like their love songs, and some fast ones....
and I am in LOVE with Jay Chou!!!!!!......new album!!!! yes!!!! other raps or fast songs he has, I dont like, but this album!!!! fAntaStiC!!!!!! love songs I love are "qi li xiang", "jie kou", "ge qian" and "yuan you hui". fast ones are "wo de di pan" and "wai po".....but overall album...THE BEST!!!!! wheee!!!! i cant stop singing "jie kou" and "ge qian"!!!!! im crazy....
well....i think im off to singing those 2 songs again!!!!! woopies!!!!
JAY CHOU ROCKS!!!!!
S.H.E. ROCKS!!!!!
LIANG JINGRU ROCKS!!!!!
I ROCK!!!!!
wahahahahaha
the facts of life....
- 10/14/2004 08:32:00 PM
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
** Love Will Find A Way **
In a perfect world
One we've never known
We would never need to face the world alone
They can have their world
We'll create our own
I may not be brave or strong or smart
But somewhere in my secret heart
I know
Love will find a way
Anywhere I go
I'm home
If you are there beside me
Like dark turning into day
Somehow we'll come through
Now that I've found you
Love will find a way
I was so afraid
Now I realize
Love is never wrong
And so it never dies
There's a perfect world
Shining in your eyes
And if only they could feel it too
The happiness I feel with you
They'd know
Love will find a way
Anywhere we go
We're home
If we are there together
Like dark turning into day
Somehow we'll come through
Now that I've found you
Love will find a way
I know
Love will find a way
Anywhere we go
I'm home
If we are there together
Like dark turning into day
Somehow we'll come through
Now that I've found you
Love will find a way
I know love will find a way
Love is a wonderful feeling....it really is... :p
everyone has different kind of love that they love...and the following is a list of love im contented with...
*God's Love
* Family's Love
* Friends' Love
* Animals' Love
yeapz yeapz...i should have realised that God will give you things that you can handle...yar...so well, whatever I have is a sign of what God wants me to learn and things I can handle...so I should do the things I have on hands to the best of my abilities and not keep wanting more!!!
anyway, today, I had a good time of gathering with my mum and sis.
was sick, so stayed at home. slept in the noon, just a short nap.woke up with a terrible headache...waited for an important call which never arrived. Bombarded that "caller" with missed calls and messages...wahaha...
then went to Lot 1 to look for a sling bag...but found nothing suitable...then felt disappointed...then walked abit while waiting for my mum and sister and Anthea to meet me for dinner. we had dinner at Suki Sushi but we decided NEVER to eat there again coz their standards dropped tremendously.....
then went to walk around, bought SHE Taiwan Concert DVD 2004, Fish Leung's album and Jay Chou's album...Jay one damn nice!!!!!!
gotta sleep...good night....
remember....Love Wil lFind A Way
:P
the facts of life....
- 10/13/2004 09:30:00 PM
Sunday, October 10, 2004
well, had a talk last night till the very wee hours with someone that I had a conflict with long time back....really glad we talked it through and understood each other better regarding that matter....however, things will still be diplomatic....but for now, that's quite a good thing it seems.
really thank God that instead of clarifying the matter straight away that time, I chose to be silent for a few months. coz i believed that if I were to approach that person then, I will not be able to accept whatever reasonings that person has to give. But now, after a few months, I am able to take it reasonably cause I'm no longer bothered by it, and to me, that person on that matter and the matter itself is just a diplomatic matter. so, I was able to handle it better now than then.
and as I'm saying that time, when you do certain sins too much...you will be numbed by it........
haiz......really tired now...so ill retire! God bless Edna for her last paper tmr!!!!!!!
the facts of life....
- 10/10/2004 11:16:00 PM
Saturday, October 09, 2004
I think God was talking to me thru our bible study class today. He talked to me through His words, and the book of His servant, The Practice of Godliness.
"An uncontrolled temper is a contradiction in the life of a person who is seeking to practice godliness. Outbursts of temper are harmful not only because they release our own ungoverned, sinful passions, but more importantly because they wound those who are the recipients of such outbursts. In this respect temper is a unique challenge in the area of self-control. Ungoverned thoughts and other emotions are sins within our own minds; they harm only ourselves, unless of course thay lead to sinful words or actions. But uncontrolled temper damages the self-respect of others, creates bitterness, and destroys relationships."
On my way back, I kept praying in my heart. "Dear Lord, was my outburst necessary? Was it meant to show others that they have thought wrongly of me? Or was it just to pinpoint that person and not the matter?"
I truly know that it was mostly my fault. No matter how much I have been hurt, I shouldnt just vent my anger on other matters. Cause im like that. Being angry over one issue can bring up other issues as well.......so, here I am saying sorry once again to those who have been at the receiving end of my outburst. However, I do know that I also want the people to see how important it is to stick to what they say and all. Im not saying I am very good or what, and I did reflect and see the log in me, before I talk or spot the splinter in others' eyes. So, I truly know Im not really at fault though my actions were against what God had wanted me to do.
So here, I learnt another lesson and I really thank God for it. Thanks to Suying who was sitting beside me and allowed me to talk to her about it. She encouraged me and said that something like "At least you feel bad and you know it was something wrong, but it is over." True, it is over, so I will not bring it up again. And thanks to Weiyan who read that part up there, and told me to pray to God, open up my ears and heart, and listen to what He has to say to me. Which I did. And that is why I know I am wrong to have an outburst like that. Once again guys, sorry....
But I truly hope that people will stick to doing what they say and believe in. That is what I learnt about conviction and commitment. But dont apply it in the wrong things....yar....
darn...now im feeling terrible for my outburst....hope whoever thinks that I was talking about them, though it may not be, and feels hurt and angry about what I have said, will forgive me....ok?
really SO happy to see Suying's and Amy's face today when I gave them their b'day presents! Suying was totally stunned...."For me? Are you serious? You shouldnt have done that....etc"...haha, and she kept thanking me. Amy was also very glad I gave her Eeyore and not Pooh or Piglet and she also thanked me lots. Now she is thinking whether to put it in her office or home....hmm....haha....
well girls, its worth it, just to see the smiles on your face. Cause normally we are so busy, I may not have time to message you, talk to you...etc, but do know that Im not neglecting u all! anyone whom I befriended will have a close place in my heart. and its worth it to make my friends feel happy, especially when they are tired, stressed or busy. That proves that a little action for someone can really brighten up his or her day! And I thank all my friends who have done little and big things to simply make me smile and forget my worries!!!
well...gotta go....cya all! :P
and God bless those taking the exams! the postcards are meant for encouraging you! Like what ms wah said, you are not doing it for yourself, but for God! ok?
jyana!!!!!
the facts of life....
- 10/09/2004 11:03:00 PM
Friday, October 08, 2004
** Go The Distance **
I have often dreamed
Of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome
Would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer
When they see my face
And a voice keeps saying
This is where I'm meant to be
I'll be there someday
I can go the distance
I will find my way
If I can be strong
I know ev'ry mile
Will be worth my while
When I go the distance
I'll be right where I belong
Down an unknown road
To embrace my fate
Though the road may wander
It will lead me to you
And a thousand years
Would be worth the wait
It may take a lifetime
But somehow I'll see it through
And I won't look back
I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track
No I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope
But I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance
And my journey is complete
But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart
Like a shooting star
I can go the distance
I will search the world
I will face its harms
I don't care how far
I can go the distance
Till I find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms...
I will search the world
I will face its harms
Till I find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms...
Im really going crazy over Disney...wahahaha....
Go The Distance is a fabulous song. The meaning is within the words. If you read the surface, all you will read is "A hero's welcome", someone that is proud, someone hoping for recognition....etc. However, if u realise, the song isnt titled "A Hero's Welcome" but "Go The Distance". Therefore, its meaning is to encourage people to fulfil their dreams byt going the distance, no matter how tough or tiring the path may be. yeapz!
And I can reach this song!!! wow....but strains my throat...mabbe half or a key lower will be better...yeaps yeaps...
Disney is really amazing to come up with such classical, enchanting, touching, heartwarming and uplifting songs, where the lyrics and tunes really connects. wonderful......
true...to look beyond the glory is the hardest part....sometimes, we get so entralled by what we get from people, that we forget that all we are doing are for God, and not us. and what we have are from Him too...so we gotta give glory and praise to Him, not ourselves!!!!
btw, as im blogging this entry, im listening to Go The Distance over and over again...wahaha....im crazy....
btw 2, my unit's head office is planning events for our anniversary...guess what? one of them is NSAD Idol!!! whee....all my colleagues keep asking me to join....well, ive filled up the form but dunno if ill be giving it in....if i do, ill be singing A Whole New World, Go The Distance, Dreams, I Believe, Solitaire, Can You Feel The Love Tonight & Circle Of Life!!!! that is if i can get this far....
well....i think i wanna join...and see how i will far before the real thing season 2....haha.....so how people? should i?
well...think its the 10th time im listening to Go The Distance tonight and im not tired of it....hehe......
well....gotta go do some stuff!!!! Disney magic upon u my frens! *huggies!*
the facts of life....
- 10/08/2004 09:10:00 PM
Thursday, October 07, 2004
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
yes....how true...i loved this passage, my favourite, but this few days it didnt struck me till yesterday. "Love is patient........it is not easily angered..."
love is patient. yet, why am i not patient? love is not easily angered...yet i was angry when comments of me being a fake carer and a expectant person hurts me and i got angry....why?
well, it is not EASILY angered....but love will get angry.....but i guess...thats no excuse....
well, my uproar a previous blogs down sure did shock quite some people, angered some and yar....but well, was really hurt when people doubt my love n concern for them, and thinks that when i do good, im expecting something of equivalent in return...well, i wont go back into that...it is over....buried...yeapz yeapz....once again, after throwing so many things out, im definitely better and like a previous case, when its buried, ill bring it up no more unless ppl of concerned wanna clarify....n ill definitely clarify :P
for those angry, im sorry i made u angry. for those sad or hurt, same here...and i know the words ive used were hurting...but at that time i was really peeved....but what ive said really comes from the bottom of my heart. and my reason for saying those things is to point out a few things.
1.) when u make a statement, do keep it and do it urself and not expect others to do it while u urself dont. set a good example...yar
2.) im not expecting things in return. but everyone knows when a person is in a rush, a little things done for that person can make the person not so uptight when he or she reaches.
3.) i truly care and am concern for ppl. mabbe my actions and things i say sometimes proves otherwise and indicates i want something in return....true, i definitely hope for a little in return...and im sure im not being bad or too demanding!
4.) not saying that im darn good and do everything, but saying that at least i tried and did my best to do all i can...and not just sit round do nothing....
well, just gotta clarify that in band, yes, ppl do set up. mikes and their own instruments....but not all when they first arrive...yar....what i referred to was all....
anyway, over is over....no more....i wont talk about this le....hehe
anyway, thanks to Mag, Edna and Jo2 for talking to me. Mag and Jo2 last night and Edna the previous night....u sisters are the best!!! *huggies*
well, today went to CMPB and saw my new office!!! it was fabulous!!!! and playing with my Chief Clerk's kid...so cute and active....aiyor...now i back pain.....old oreddi.....haha
well...i cant wait for saturday!!!! wheee.....haha....whee!!!!!!!
should i buy a fire goby?!?!
ok...thanks to all who have encouraged me over the year but i feel this year i was really drained. like going up and down a very rocky mountain.....tried to do bible study and read God's words so many times, but only a few stuck to me......my walk with God this year is very rocky. but thanks bro and sis for ur support and encouragements. u all know who u all are...so there....*huggies!!!!*
and thank u all for ur sharings and advice and help. thanks to all the cute sis who helped in family day. thanks to my family and frens who gave me support thru the planning for the promotional clips and know that i put in hard work....thanks to those who encouraged me to continue my service in some areas...thank you all. but these are not enough....guess its really, REALLY time I prayed once more to ask God to soften my hardened heart and let the Holy Spirit take me....
today went back to SAFTI to make my statement...so SCARY!!! everything i dunno...i dont even know the camera model! haha....
my unit having NSAD Idol....should i join? haha....
and talking about Idol, Russell got half of George Huff's T shirt!!!! haha...he n someone tore his shirt backstage. he got the one with the signature...haha...STOOOPID....
ppl...so pray for me that this time, my walk with God will continue and not stop kz? let God strengthen me and all....ok? love u all! *muackies!!!!*
haha...can imagine Jo2, edpyy, ningz, qilixiang, ms wah, mag n wini rolling their eyes, then DZ will pinch me!!!! yucks!!!! haha.....
gotta go.....God bless u all for the rest of this week!
*winks!*
the facts of life....
- 10/07/2004 09:33:00 PM
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
haiz....my Boxfish died....another fish off my list of "Fish I Wanna Buy & Rear"...haha
anyway, feeling better now, thank you all for the comments and encouragements u all have given me....yar...appreciate it lots....and like what Suying and Alvin said respectively, they also have to learn to put their pride down. I have to learn that too....sometimes, i really think highly of myself while other times, im really very humble...hmmm..split personality....haha...but really thanks for everything guys. love u all to the core!!! haha...
but im fine now...just wanna live my own life, do what i shld do that is right & that is God pleasing & according to God's will...yar...dont care about what other say or do....right? yes!!!!
haha....well...abit tired le....so going to sleep le...cya all soon kz?
well....this saturday will be interesting...haha....guess what will happen? hehe....iNteReStiNg.... :P
the facts of life....
- 10/06/2004 09:38:00 PM
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
if anyone feel offended by what i have blogged...im sorry...its just my feelings, and i cant restrict u from feeling what u want. all i can say is sorry ive induced them in u....
am i a hypocrite? sometimes i think i am.....
dont wanna say sorry still say...haha
:P
may God guide me....and thanks Alvin for so much encouragements....SJI ROCKS :P
the facts of life....
- 10/05/2004 09:36:00 PM
I shall ALSO refrain from relieving my anger through typing or telling it to someone else....haiz
I shall just keep piling and piling and PILING inside me till one day I can't take it anymore, slit my wrists, drink dettol and run out of the house naked running and screaming like a mad man, then jump off the building....
YAR. thats's an ABSOLUTE wonderful idea....umm...
anyway....im fine....really....well, at least i think i am....haha...dont worry.
haiz, edna, when Im typing this, i did think of what the others have done too, but is it as more in consistence as what Weiyan does? I admit I didnt do as much as Weiyan did, so im not mentioning my name. n oh...like ive never asked u and weiyan to go home early like this. but never mind
I shall NEVER EVER say of what I have done and what others didnt. I shall just keep quiet and not say anything, for good or for bad....HAPPY everyone?!?!
uhm...anyway, I idolise my new AO....she is 29, is freaking rich and drives a mazda 6!!! and if im not wrong, she has 4 cars, get this, FOUR, in her house!!!!!!! her most expensive watch is 30,000 and she has more than 40 watches that are worth thousands each.....goodness....
haiz.....sometimes I wonder whether the things i do for others.....are they worth it? why am i doing so even if others have hurt me? why do i continue to be nice and all when people just gives u black face. Kelvin and Russell said that's the way of the world and tell me to be nice to them instead....haha
my family members tell me not to be so nice...thats the way of the world....haiz
but i keep telling myself "never mind, never mind, just do it...yar. God will know what u have done and will give it to u in His grace!" but still.....haiz
thanks shaoning and suying for comforting me. thanks edna for talking to me last night, though your posts...haiz...never, as ive said, no one in church really knows me....and get this right, even MAG said that herself.....yar *feeling triumphant that no one knows me*
hahahaha....im going mad.
anyway, tonight, Russell went for the American Idol concert!!!! so jealous of him! i wanna go, but too bad, i bought SHE tickets at $148 le...so no money....hope the concert is fun...ooh, fanntasia, diana and jasmine....and la toya!!!! oooh.....
and i CANT WAIT for SHE concert next year!!! wheeeee!!!!! hope to kiss Hebe...whee!!!!
btw, I bought 2 dunno-what Clownfishes and a Boxfish...so cute!!!!!
and Thursday im going back to my old camp to give a statement for an investigation report...haiz
and....what else? my shrimp died, Fiona's shrimp killed it....wahahaha
oh yes....disney....
DZ is eeyore, Jo2 and I agreed on that on Sunday morning.
Huey is Tigger definitely.
Yae is Cinderalla. Edna says one cause Yae is hardworking.
Xiaoling jie is...umm....Cinderalla too...even MORE hardworking.
Simin is Jane from Tarzan...yeaps yeaps...coz she not afraid of what people say and just be herself in front of God.
Alvin is...uhmm....Rabitt!!!! or Dumbo!!! so cute and abit blur blur de...haha
Zhengwei is Owl, so smart and quiet...
Junwei is Thumper, so helpful...
Ernestina is Flower, so shy....haha
Ivy is Roo, young yet adventurous
Jacqueline Saw is Sebastian...that loud motormouth...
That shld be all i think....haiz
haiz....i really dunno how to lead my life. i being nice and all, people say its fake. i complain abit, people say I never think of others....well....
SO TELL ME. WHAT U ALL WANT ME TO DO?!?!
*cough*
yeap yeaps....i should be MYSELF...heck care to the world....
dearest ms wah, i will continue to care...dont worry....i will, till the day i die of anger and lots of grievances...then Ill stop caring...
yeap yeaps
the facts of life....
- 10/05/2004 07:58:00 PM
Monday, October 04, 2004
I really feel very, VERY hurt. as ive said before, no one BLOODILY knows me. not even church people who always so called claim to "must understand fellow Christians"....CRAP.
sorry, not saying u all r fake in ur concerns but just....haiz
I vow NEVER to be busybody again and be concern for people who doesnt even acknowledge my existence.
it hurts alot, really, when u r being concern and helpful and all people think of u r the follow:
a) you r doing it just to satisfy urself as A Great Human Being
b) you are, and constantly, expecting people to return you with something
c) you do it just because you want to look and feel good in front of people
d) you are just a FAKIE....
I HAVE ENOUGH....
tolerated long enough of all this bloody nonsense. Someone said I was B when I confided in that person about some conflicts I had with another fellow Christian. throughout our ENTIRE BLOODY TALK, that person kept saying "You see!!!! You just expect XXX to treat you in that way!!!"
what the hell man........and you, so called Christians, always think I'm wrong when here you all go expecting me to be WHAT YOU ALL BLOODY WANT?!?!?!!?!?!
many times, it was either me or weiyan to reach church early and help set up all the stuff. did even half of you say thank you to either of us? NO. but when you all reach early, all of you are either sitting around CHATTING, PLAYING YOUR OWN BLOODY INSTRUMENTS, or just WALKING around with NOTHING to do. you all ONLY set up YOUR OWN instruments and never help others. remember the times when I was late? how many times was the bass set up for me? once or twice only, and those times, it was WEIYAN who did it. and CRAP to all "oh, you all MUST learn how to set up other instruments to help others." Ive learnt, Weiyan learnt. We even learn PA. DID U ALL BLOODILY LEARN ABOUT OTHER INSTRUMENTS? FREAKING SELFISH PEOPLE. FREAKING LAZY AND IGNORANT PEOPLE. FREAKING YOU ALL!!!!!!!
huh hmm..........
and to those people who act like saints when new people come...oh stop it. you think you really care? BULL****. when you dont even care or understand fellow Christians whom you have grown up with, you are jumping to newer fields? simply BALDERASH! ptuui!!!!
im really FREAKING ANGRY now...sorry for the use of language which ive TOTALLY, FREAKINGLY not used in a long, LONG time. IM ANGRY with those people because they think badly of me and think i always expect of how others should treat me, while they themselves are doing this!!!!! BLOODY HYPOCRITES.
well, you all better read this. the person whom ive mentioned up there and the person who induced this anger in me....
once again, i vow NEVER EVER to be concern for people who seriously DO NOT need my FREAKING SELFISH, AND MAKE MY SELF HAPPY concerns....u think its fake. FINE. i will keep it to myself.
and on the people who r really nice. I WILL BE THICK SKIN AND SAY. Im the only one who has done it. and Weiyan. She has always set up instruments for EVERYONE. the rest? ptuui to u all! and all the time thinking badly of me....
sorry to many others who are reading and totally dont understand where im coming from.......its hidden so long i finally gotta release it before i go CRAZY!!!!!!
once again, i will only be NICE and CARING to those who appreciate what im doing, and not to THOSE who think badly of me and think im just a lazy idiot who expects people from everything.
N U. dont keep saying "what have you done?" "must like this like this" when at this phase you have not done ANYTHING.
N U....let someone else try.....BORING.....
thats all i gotta say. anyone who knows im talking about who and who, keep ur mouths to urself. if u can't, GO AHEAD. SPREAD RUMOURS ABOUT ME! "Joseph Saw PMS again. complaining about EAK!!"
BLODDY FREAKING PEOPLE...
PTTTUUUIII!!!!!! POO!
certain people just totally know how to ruin my day for me......................
the facts of life....
- 10/04/2004 08:19:00 PM
Sunday, October 03, 2004
** Colours of the Wind **
You think you own whatever land you land on
The earth is just a dead thing you can claim
But I know every rock and tree and creature
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name
You think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger
You'll learn things you never knew, you never knew
Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
Or ask the grinning bobcat why he grinned?
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains?
Can you paint with all the colours of the wind?
Can you paint with all the colours of the wind?
Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest
Come taste the sun-sweet berries of the earth
Come roll in al lthe riches all around you
And for once never wonder what they're worth
The rainstorm and the river are my brothers
The heron and the otter are my friends
And we are all connected to each other
In a circle, in a hoop that never ends
Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
Or let the eagle tell you where he's been
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains?
Can you paint with all the colours of the wind?
Can you paint with all the colours of the wind?
How high does the sycamore grows?
If you cut it down, then you'll never know
And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
For whether we are white or copper-skinned
We need to sing with all the voices of the mountains
Need to paint with all the colours of the wind
You can own the earth and still
All you own is earth until
You can paint with all the colours of the wind
This song tells us that we should never take things for granted and that we should not say about others unless we know what is going on...that's what I read from the words....
gonna type something now that may seem bad, but gotta protect myself (whom I think is the person being attacked) and others....hmmm
Geok, we r all REALLY concern for you, whether you wanna believe or not. and if you think I'm or we are pretending, then im sorry to say that you dunno us....gotta apologize for saturday, and that I typed in my blog "sinful"...I think your posts are against what I typed, but really, I didnt meant that you were sinful. Do you know me and others look up to you? you are a wonderful sister...seriously. and i didnt type all these to start another wave in you and make you have to explain again to others. Im just plain concern...and its not over yesterday's sermon.
and by being concern about u, im not satisfying myself. im not doing it cause for the feeling of "I've done a great thing! wow!!!" nope. its just me to be concern for everyone whom i click with. its the truth whether you wanna believe it or not. and like what Suying said, its unfair to say that of others...but dont worry, I take no offense, just feeling worried for u...
haiz....well, gotta stop "caring" for her if she doesnt like it. all I can do is pray. mabbe people, you all can help to pray too? hope she's alright.
and geok, I dunno if you were talking about me in your blog. I think u r....if u REALLY are, I think you are very angry with me....I apologize for all that you are feeling if you think im the one that stirred them up again. really sry...
anyway....my presents coming out FABULOUSLY!!!!! wheee....love myself to the core....
thanks Mag n Ningz for ur hugs.....but did u all bath? haha
now let's talk about sisters in church....hmmm....haha...and compare them to Disney characters...I LOVE DISNEY!!!!!
**
Weiyan
A bubbly personality...she's a wonderful sister to have around, to joke with, to chat with and to confide in...are you thinking what I'm thinking Jo 2? haha.....and she's strong headed, can see that in her, very confident. but she's wonderful all in all...that is her strength.
results......Belle (Beauty)
reasons......Belle stood up for her right to love and fantansize in a world of fairy tales. and she dared to go head on with Beast.
**
Edna
EDPYY!!! Another one with a bubbly personality. Darn, all 16 year olds have that...haha. childlike, and sa jiao...haha....cute but can get angry too...so don't irritate her! haha...but she's fun to be with :P
results......Snow White
reasons......Snow White took charge of all the Seven Dwarves. When they disobeyed her, she could make them obey her!
**
Shaoning
Very cool personality. But deep inside her, she's a girl that cares and loves to befriend people, while protecting what she believes in and all whom she loves.
results......Pocahontas
reasons......Pocahontas is a quiet girl that stood up to protect her homeland while seeking her true love. She fights to protect her rights while being cool about who she truly is.
**
Eunice
Another girl with the bubbly personality. But when she's angry....hoo boy...beware of stepping on her areas. But just a line of "Pink colour, must be pink colour ping pong balls" will soothe her.
results......Mulan
reasons......Mulan is a carefree character, till she has to stand up for her father. her strong will character comes out and even the boys will be afraid of her. But she believes in what she does and she learns love in the process.
**
Mag
A cute girl with a bubbly yet cool personality. Her personality changes with what comes along. But a wonderful to be with if you just want peace and a truthful companion.
results......Nala
reasons......Nala has her weak moments too, when she didn't know what to do. But her character of fearsome was showed when she chased Pumbaa.
**
Wini
A girl with bubbly personality yet also strong willed in her own way. She is a happy go lucky girl and yet, worries and cares about what comes next. A truthful companion that will guide you out and is easy to be with.
results......Ariel
reasons......Ariel is happy go lucky in the sea. But when she finds true love up above the sea, she fights for her rights to seek what she has to seek.
**
Suying
Funny and fun to be with. A great girl that you can relax with and forget all your woes.Her strength is to just laugh all her troubles away. But she is afraid of little things, but stand up for even the most fearsome things when circumstances arises.
results......Jasmine
reasons......Jasmine is a weak little princess that doesn't care about where she is till she fell in love. Then, she stood up against all the odds just to be with her destiny.
**
Geok Lan
Another funny girl. She livens up the atmosphere even in dull circumstances. However, her inside is soft. She is hard outside, but her inside is gentle and warm.
results......Wendy
reasons......Wendy is a girl that stood up for Peter Pan and yet deep inside, she is afraid. She cares and treasures all who is around her.
**
That's all I can think of....haha.......mabbe more next time when I can remember all the names of the Disney characters. which I can't now. So there's still Simin, Amy, Ivy, Yae, Xiaoling & Huey. Guys...bwahaha...DZ, Alvin, Jiaren, Junwei, Zhengwei and Christopher....actually, I know what DZ is to be le....right Jo2?
*grins*
the facts of life....
- 10/03/2004 05:40:00 PM
Sometimes, I really think I'm a big, fat hypocrite. I may act one in front of a group, act another when I'm with a different group, be another with others...and so on and so forth....what is this world coming too?!?! havent i ALWAYS been irritated with fake people? so why am I like this? must ground into God's words...really must...
talking about God, I'm really sorry God. I thought I would change....seems like haiz....
reading Geok's blog made me realise and reflect at how fragile and sinful we are...im not saying that she is sinful or anything, but reading that really reminds me that we got to depend on God ALL THE TIME.
so here goes. sorry Lord. I did 2 things which I knew I shouldn't. I shouldn't but the temptation was TOO great...it just came out and I can't take them back. and what happens next isnt anyone's fault but mine...my body is weak but God isn't. so I really should not sin again. but I can;t help myself! the temptation's too great!!! so Lord, I really need You. Please guide me back.....and lemme stop all these nonsense....
Love today's worship....Simin is an absolute BEST worship leader. really looks up to her alot! Daune was right, she was the only one that can bring emotions through her leading to the congregation. but of course, the Holy Spirit is the main motivator. without the HS, no one would be praising the Lord. So Simin, take care of your body and continue to do your very best to the Lord! Talked to her abit and found out her body isnt that well, yet she still led....wonderful sister. Thank you Lord for her in our church.
and today's sermon was fabulous. it was about caring for your fellow bros and sisters. when pastor asked "Who thinks you have been cared for a great deal?" I was actually smirking in my heart!!! can u believe that? *sinful* I just thought....well...never mind.
then the 2nd question came, and I REALLY wanna put my hands up. it was "Who here thinks that he or she has cared a great deal for other people?" Personally, and my family and close friends, think that I really spent too much of time, efforts, feelings and heart into friendships and caring for others. i may not be initiative to newcomers or whatsoever, but once we start talking and a bond is created, poof! I'll be close to that person and will care for him or her. that's me, and I can't stop it. that's why I always get hurt by freaking selfish and ignorant people, who takes and takes but never gives...well, gives some but not alot...and those people never feel guilty...*hmph*
well...enough of those. haha....really thick skin, but I didnt raise up my hands. i was like imagining the pros and cons. if i didnt raise, people will not know im caring and I have to suffer by myself. but if I raise, people may think, "eew, that Joseph so thick skin, think he really nice or what..." haiz...too bad...I care about how people hink of me. but i didnt raise. y? coz if there are people who already think badly of me and thinks im not caring and that im always expecting people to fork out for me, then what difference does it make if I raise or not? if I do, they will think worse. so might as well not raise. but thanks to other people outside who knows thte true me and supports me in continue to be caring and friendly to those who thinks badly of me and have hurt me. you guys are the only ones who believe that i NEVER expects people to repay me in one way or another...so...yar.
now, why the word in purple? hehe.......
** Reflections **
Look at me
You may think you see who I really am
But you never know me
Everyday
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
I am now
In a world where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world what's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
Why is my reflection someone I don't know
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know
The reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
the facts of life....
- 10/03/2004 01:56:00 AM
